peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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