also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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