Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
