thus making me awesome and them whores
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
