Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
