If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
