just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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