what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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