I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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