And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
