You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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