Your dad touched me again.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
