I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
