So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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