just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
