YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
