At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
