He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
