am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
