Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
