Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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