She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
please don't ironically join a cult
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