i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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