I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
