My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
