Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
