i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
