We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
