my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
being pregnant is like rehab
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
