Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
