I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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