I think my vagina is haunted
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is wine microwaveable?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
