Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
