Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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