Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
