I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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