remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
