Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't turn off my feet"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
