I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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