90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
