We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
