I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
