Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
