I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
