I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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