the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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