I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
