are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
