I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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