We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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