just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
