Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
