we made out on top of his cat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
