The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Is that strawberry winking at me??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
