If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
