I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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