The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
