I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
