The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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